Gaslighting is a manipulative tactic that can leave you feeling confused and unsure of your own reality. Understanding what gaslighting looks like can help you protect yourself and maintain your sense of self. Here’s how to identify gaslighting and what to do about it.
What is Gaslighting?
Gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse where one person manipulates another into questioning their own memory, perception, or sanity. The term originates from the 1938 play “Gas Light,” where a husband manipulates his wife into thinking she’s going insane.
Common Gaslighting Examples
Gaslighting can manifest in various ways. Here are some common examples:
- Denying Events
The gaslighter insists that something didn’t happen, even though you clearly remember it. You might hear, “That never happened,” or “You’re imagining things.” - Trivializing Your Feelings
When you express your emotions, they dismiss them as irrational or unimportant. Phrases like, “You’re overreacting,” or “You’re being too sensitive,” are common. - Shifting Blame
Instead of taking responsibility, the gaslighter blames you. They might say, “It’s your fault I got angry,” or “If you hadn’t done X, I wouldn’t have done Y.” - Invalidating Your Perceptions
They tell you that your thoughts or experiences are wrong. You might hear, “You’re just being paranoid,” or “That never happened; you’re making things up.” - Rewriting History
The gaslighter distorts past events to fit their narrative. They might say, “You’re remembering it wrong,” or “I never said that.” - Projecting Their Behavior
They accuse you of their own actions. For example, they might accuse you of being unfaithful while they are the ones cheating. - Denying Their Behavior
When confronted about hurtful actions like withholding affection, they deny it. They might say, “I’m not ignoring you; you’re just being needy.” - Gaslighting in Public
They humiliate or belittle you in front of others and then say you’re too sensitive or misunderstood their “joke.” - Telling Blatant Lies
They lie about things you know are true. For example, they might say, “I never said that,” despite evidence to the contrary. - Using Your Words Against You
They twist your words or accuse you of saying things you didn’t. This might include statements like, “You always say hurtful things like X,” even if you never said X.
What to Do If You’re Being Gaslighted
If you suspect you’re experiencing gaslighting, here’s what you can do:
- Trust Your Gut
If something feels off, don’t ignore it. Your feelings are valid. - Seek Support
Talk to friends, family, or a therapist to get an outside perspective and emotional support. - Set Boundaries
Communicate clearly that their behavior is unacceptable. Let them know that if the manipulation doesn’t stop, you will end the relationship. - Consider Ending the Relationship
If gaslighting continues, it may be best to leave. You deserve to be treated with respect and honesty.
Final Thoughts
Gaslighting can be devastating, but recognizing these behaviors is the first step to protecting yourself. Remember, you are not alone, and you are not crazy. With support and self-care, you can heal from the effects of gaslighting and build healthier, more respectful relationships